Ignore the lamestream media, we've got Dyspathy

by: Eric B.

Sun Aug 29, 2010 at 12:10:42 PM EDT

Up until yesterday, I didn't see much need for Twitter. Then, I downloaded Tweetdeck, loaded up a couple of hashtags from yesterday's Republican Party convention (since they're attempt to livestream the thing mysteriously failed after the convention started really late and really loud thanks to the teabaggers), and followed it there. Oh, and by following Joe Munem's Facebook status updates and photos (and this morning, I again see very little need for Twitter).

Most of the stories coming out of the conventions, I think, really failed to distill the things into coherent, workable narratives. That's why we have blogs, which gave birth to Woodward's Friend. Thank you, Jeebus.

So, in the spirit of Martin Luther King (who would obviously recognize a services tax as exactly like Jim Crow in everyway), the teabaggers nominated their own LG candidate. Some guy who finished fourth a Congressional primary. Fourth. Ok, sure, but teabagger hero Bill Cooper is a real conservative. Cooper is also a businessman, not a politician. Which means, unlike Brian Calley, he can understand the Rick Michigan plan.

At this point, someone explained to Cooper that he’d lose this fight, and would be branded as the kind of fringe lunatic barely welcome in the Michigan Taxpayers Party. That’s when Cooper quit the race like Sarah Palin quit being governor of Alaska. That made the teabaggers love Bill Cooper even more! Because our founding principles are based on quitting England. Quitting something is literally the most Constitutional thing an American can do.

What I didn't steal were paragraphs bracketing that selection. You'll have to follow the link to read those for yourself, sunshine. But, still, it's true ... Bill Cooper was going to be nominated, then pulled out, then called for unanimous support for Brian Calley, which led the teabaggers to loudly boo someone. The Freep summed this all up by saying that Rick Michigan's L.G. candidate was barely ratified.

Meanwhile, he gives an entirely different post to the wholly boring Democratic convention. How boring? No hashtags in my Tweetdeck feed. Still, it was a democratic act of charity to provide equal coverage to something so comparatively bland.

Oh and famous nerd Rick “Michigan” Snyder is a CEO. That stands for Chief Executive Outsourcer. Just in case the tuk r jibs crowd was still undecided. Ok look, Michigan Democrats, the outsourcing attack worked on Dick Devos, not because anyone cared about outsourcing, but because it was a clever way to remind people that Dick Devos runs Amway.

As I say so often to myself, when no one else can hear, "Ahhh, Dyspathy ... eases the pain." As much as I wish people would stop comparing things as if one thing is exactly like that other thing that happened just a couple of years ago so's we could all pretend that we have an institutional memory extending back more than 5 minutes, I also wish people would stop seizing on narratives that make little sense instead of narratives that make a good deal more sense. Dick DeVos didn't lost four years ago because people thought he created jobs in China. He lost four years ago because everyone hates Amway, and because Dick DeVos has no charisma.