Michigan's Most Odious political figure: January power rankings

by: Eric B.

Sun Jan 29, 2012 at 11:28:19 AM EST

The year 2012 is nearly one year finished, which means we're less than 11 months until the world ends, at least according to the History Channel. More importantly, it's been one month since we last checked in with Michigan's most odious political figures and no doubt many of you are wondering just how they stack up this year so far. Let's check it out:

10. Virg Bernero, Lansing's shoutiest mayor (Previous ranking: 10; +/- 0)

Last year, the 2010 Democratic nominee for mayor sat on the sidelines while the Lansing Regional Chamber of Commerce savaged one of his closest allies on the city's council while also continuing his long and storied career of saying great things about organized labor while closer to home doing things to screw over organized labor. Bernero holds on to #10 with a grip so hard it's turned his knuckles over by inviting organized labor to be beggars to their own demise, by undermining an economy that makes things in favor of an economy built on the cheap hustle of casino gambling. This transgression might be forgiven as a crime against abstract concepts, except that the mayor's response to critics who question whether the jobs creation and economic development promised will ever come to fruition was to tell them to "screw off."

9.  Nolan Finley, Curtis LeMay's secret love child (Previous ranking: Not ranked; +2)

Perhaps no Michigan political figure has over the years proven himself so willing to expend the blood of others in conflicts in which he cannot possibly be expected to take part that Nolan Finley, whose editorial page once called for the flooding of Iraq by a number of ground troops roughly equal to half the entire combined might of America's armed services. Last year, he suggested that we could solve difficult foreign policy problems by bombing people who had nothing to do with Sept. 11, and it shouldn't be a surprise that this year he'd follow it up by ignoring Abu Ghraib and the massacre at Haditha (not to mention simply invading, conquering, and occupying another country against its will) and write that it's okay for American troops to urinate on the bodies of Afghani rebels belonging to the Taliban because more than half a decade earlier insurgents unrelated to the Taliban killed four mercenaries who were part of our occupying force in Iraq. And, donning his very finest in Napoleonic hats, he declared that negotiations with Afghani insurgents -- something that has been a part of ending every insurgency known to man ever -- was a waste of time, a point of view that if applied to the real world would ensure even greater spilling of blood. Of course, it won't be his.

8. Mike Shirkey, Divider of the House (Previous ranking: Not ranked; +3)

Mike Shirkey says he doesn't hate labor unions. Mike Shirkey just thinks that individuals ought to be allowed to opt out of things even when a majority vote goes against them. There is a certain consistency to this, since Republicans have been trying to opt out of the Obama presidency way back before the guy was even inaugurated. On the other hand, the next time you get pulled over, try it on the officer.

7. Bill Schuette, Worst. Attorney. General. Ever. (Previous ranking: 3 (tie); -4)

Bill Schuette is building off his impressive campaign last year to run the most politicized office of the attorney general ever, writing his own laws to subvert the 2008 initiative on medical marijuana on the peculiar reasoning that markets require the blessing of government. This year, he continued to work to stifle the self-determination of research graduate assistants at the University of Michigan for reasons that aren't quite clear. This last week, he also called for the expenditure of money the state doesn't really have to lock up people, thereby guaranteeing further expense for a state that can't guarantee it.

6. Mike Kowall, The Big Shill (Previous ranking: Not ranked; +5)

The state Senate has done yeoman work for its chief benefactor these last three years. By state Senate, what I mean is the Republican caucus of the state Senate; and by chief benefactor, I don't mean the people of Michigan but evil billionaire Matty Maroun. From the time Alan Cropsey told the Canadians to shut up and stop worrying about border security to last week's stirring speech from Roger Kahn, they have guaranteed that all men are created equal, especially those men who can drown you in campaign contributions. We'll channel all of this into just one man, however, and that man is Mike Kowall, who after Maroun was found in contempt of court for not making good on a contract and jailed, felt that the judge should have jailed MDOT and Detroit officials for reasons he never made clear. At the same time, he managed to not only stand up for a very wealthy man who flagrantly broke the law, but managed to denigrate public servants at the same time.

5. Matty Maroun, A Burns for all Seasons (Previous ranking: Not ranked; +6)

Know what takes a set of stones? Being associated with a bridge monopoly for more than 50 years, and when called to answer for the conduct of said monoply trying to claim that you have nothing to do with it. It's a perfect example of the contempt to the rule of law promoted by Michigan's evilest billionaire, a man who personifies C. Montgomery Burns. Trouble is that Monty Burns is a cartoon character purposefully drawn to be larger-than-life awful. The punchline is that the best interests of the state as a whole are being held up by one very wealthy, corrupt individual.

4. Janice Daniels, Small mind in the big city (Previous ranking: 9; +5)

It's been pointed out here before that Troy's city government is not constructed for a controversial mayor figure. The city's day-to-day operations are overseen by a city manager, with whom Mayor Daniels has started a strange and pointless conflict, and elected members of city government are really just intended to serve as an oversight body. It says much of the mayor's general ignorance of how her city government is supposed to run that she'd use a largely ceremonial position to continuously make headlines and casting the city in a negative light along the way. What really vaulted Daniels up the food chain, however, was essentially doubling down on her previous attacks on homosexuals, by suggesting that a panel of psychiatrists would educate Troy's high school students that there is a higher incidence of bad behavior within homosexual communities, and then naturally playing victim when someone complained that she was linking homosexuality to mental illness. In evoking the profession of psychiatry, that's precisely what she did.

3. Rick Jones,  (Previous ranking: 3; +/- 0)

We've manage to get this far without mentioning the biggest and most pointless controversy to date, which was the continuing war by Senate Republicans on professional women. Last year, Rick Jones suggested that the only reason anyone was upset by his language providing a path to bullying was that Gretchen Whitmer is given to hysterics. Last month, he asked via Facebook message whether a Tea Party activist was using "head meds," and it was this last month that he called Kelly Rossman a "hooker." Now, it's difficult to quibble with the idea of calling a public relations person a whore of some kind. Such a joke is regular fare in newsrooms across the country. He didn't do that, however. He called a specific middle aged professional woman whose kids are old enough to read the newspapers something a tad more filthy. Naturally, when called out on this, he said that he was the real victim.

2. Dave Agema, the Goat Killer (Previous ranking: 2, -1)

For the Goat Killer, January was a quiet month. His only major people-related transgression was appearing at an event attacking Islam with a noted professional fraud. This was building on his impressive body of work from last year and the years before that. He did log a bill that we'll keep track of, a compulsory rendering of the Pledge of Allegiance, as well as mandating instruction on the U.S. Constitution and other important documents. This, of course, is the same man who is entirely unaware that the U.S. Constitution needs no affirming in state law that it exists as the supreme law of the land since he sponsored legislation last year doing so. That means, he wants to insist that schools educate children about something that he himself is mostly ignorant. Couched properly, this would actually be a good thing, but one gets the impression that what he really thinks is that he and like-minded people are the only people who really understand the minds of the Framers.

1. Tom McMillin, The Entirely Unlikeable Tom McMillin (Previous ranking: 5, +4)

Tom McMillin believes that it is discriminatory to tell people that they are not allowed to disciminate, and while he was okay last year with creating a patchwork of regulation the lightbulb manufacturing industry sought to avoid in pursuing federal regulations believes that local control over non-discrimination ordinances creates a "patchwork" of those laws. Why that's bad he never says, but it doesn't take an oracle to understand that he's not really after consistency but just out to punish homosexuals.