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Fried Chicken Frank says Obama is Hitler, Stalin and Saddam Hussein rolled into one

by: Eric B.

Fri Feb 14, 2014 at 14:49:06 PM EST

It's Friday, which means that here in a month it'll be time to go to a fish fry. The rest of the year, however, it's the day that we check in with the state's official local oaf -- Fried Chicken Frank -- to learn his take on the important issues of the day ... if by "take," you mean we get to watch him trip over his own shoelaces, stumble across the room and upset a plate of cheese and crackers. Today's deep thoughts are assembled under the banner of this headline: "Dear Mr. President: America never needed to be reformed."

Our founding fathers were brilliant men who crafted a system of government that led to the greatest demonstration of collective freedom and economic growth in world history.

Fried Chicken Frank once famously told a group of Republicans that the story of Fried Chicken Frank is a tale of what can be achieved when you don't go to college. For instance, were you to go to college and turn in a paper with this paragraph in it, it is apt to come back with a bunch of things circled with the words "clumsy non-sequitur" written over and over again in the margin. And if there's any greater antidote to infectuous enthusiasm than self-doubt, God himself has yet to identify it. On the other hand, it's my understanding that the News doesn't pay Fried Chicken Frank so much as one thin dime for these, which means they've richly gotten what they've paid for.


Eric B. :: Fried Chicken Frank says Obama is Hitler, Stalin and Saddam Hussein rolled into one

The Constitution on which our republic was built has stood the test of time for nearly 250 years, and has insulated the United States from the sort of tyranny witnessed by power hungry rulers throughout history.

Yes, acts of tyranny like the Alien and Sedition Acts, adopted at the behest of John Adams, one of our Founding Fathers.

Until now.

In five short years, under the direction of one man, President Barack Obama, the work of our founders and very basis of our free nation run by a government with three equal layers of power is threatened with dismantling by a president, who promised just before his first election, that he was going to “fundamentally transform” America.

One man. ONE MAN!

Give Obama this — he’s a man of his word.


When the founders established our nation, the envisioned a country run by the rule of law, based on a Constitution which separated federal power into the three branches of our government, executive, legislative and judicial.

Actually, when the founders established this country, they envisioned a country run with a weak federal government and strong state governments, an enshrined it in the Articles of Confederation. But, that soon proved unworkable, so they had to rework their ideas into a strong federal government and weak state governments. I have a feeling that this will come up again very, very soon.

A system of checks and balances was established so that no one element of the federal government could gain unfettered autonomy.

Actually, many of the most important checks and balances -- judicial review of laws, for instance, and the War Powers Act -- came after the nation's founding.

They explained their ideas while trying to convince the American public about the wisdom of the new Constitution in a series of newspaper editorials known as the Federalist Papers.

In case you weren't paying attention, we're now in the middle of a nonsense thicket. What started out as a tale of woe and tyranny has become Fried Chicken Frank delivering a stitled, dull lecture on history as he sees it. Hack away, dear reader, I'm confident that eventually we'll figure out how tyranny and Obama figure in here ... and were I betting man, I would wager that before it's all over, a little thing called Obamacare will be at the center of it.

The so-called Father of the Constitution, James Madison, emphasized the importance of the separation of powers in Federalist No. 47 when he wrote, “The accumulation of all powers, legislative, executive, and judiciary, in the same hands, whether of one, a few, or many, and whether hereditary, self-appointed, or elective, may justly be pronounced the very definition of tyranny.”

I sense that we're nearly through the jungle.

The current president’s continued actions to change the congressionally adopted legislation known as Obamacare could not more aptly fall under Madison’s warning.


Obama has changed the Affordable Care Act (ACA) according to his own caprice no less than 10 times and this week added the threat of criminal prosecution for some of those who would dare to exercise their First Amendment rights and point out its negative impact.


No tyrant can eventually gain total control without threats, and throughout history those threats have been represented by the barrel of a gun.


With the latest Obamacare implementation delay, the self interest of some companies may be best served by reducing payroll to fewer than 100 employees.


But these medium-sized employers have now been warned that if they seek to fall under that threshold to avoid the costly requirements of the ACA, as are now required — under threat of the felonious crime of perjury, which carries a jail term — to certify to the IRS that Obamacare was not a motivating factor in staffing decisions.

In case you haven't heard this, it is being reported on exactly one media outlet ... Fox News. Everyone else is reporting that the mandate for medium-sized employers has been delayed so employers can figure out how to comply with the law ... and that most employers have embraced this. It is in this that we find the most harrowing menace of despotism to ever tighten its angry fist around the throat of American democracy.

Aside from the obvious political conclusion that the administration does not want to be blamed for job losses in an election year and that Obamacare is a drag on jobs and the economy, this clear threat carries even greater implications.

Actually, there's very little evidence that Obamacare has been a drag on job creation. So, while it might be an obvious conclusion, it's also a lazy one, but I'm sure that's not a terrible concern to a guy who once called slavery a great uncubator of innovation.

This is how tyranny works, as exemplified by numerous authoritarians of the 20th century, from Joseph Stalin to Adolf Hitler to Saddam Hussein: Threaten your political opponents into submission under the fear of being jailed, all for the purpose of expanding power and maintaining political strength.

Fried Chicken Frank is probably lucky he himself is not dead or in a FEMA gulag for having had the utter gall to speak out. Still, keep this in mind: Obamacare=Hitler.

The president’s actions should frighten us all.

The president's actions would probably be a lot more frightening if the crimes against the English language by the guy raising the warnings weren't more horrific.

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Okay, I'm confused
This is February. I thought that November was Bad Historical Analogy Month.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul.

Did he write this stuff
after smoking crack, or was it after a long night of snorting meth? Inquiring minds want to know...

What about his boss?
Yes, of course the man is a moron.  Even the high and mighty University of Michigan finally figured that out. But I've always asked myself: what about the suits who foisted this guy on us?  Years ago newspapers typically carried several nationally syndicated columnists. True, some of them were raving right wing lunatics too, but at least the readers were exposed to a variety of opinion, usually articulated at a professional level.  Some time ago, apparently, the suits decided all these national columnists were too expensive and the political opinions of a radio sports announcer would do just as well. What else can we conclude but that the editors and owners of the News (and probably much of the rest of old media) have nothing but contempt for the intelligence of their readers?  

Threats of a dictator
So if Obama's supposed threats on political opponents makes him a tyrant, I would assume Frank would find the following quote to be just fine:

"Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists" - Dubya to Congress in 2011.

"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." - Shakespeare  

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