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On The Question Of Virginity, Or, "Starter? I Can't Make Her Stop!"

by: fake consultant

Sun Dec 11, 2011 at 02:58:21 AM EST

I got a weird little story about my friend Blitz Krieger to bring to you today.

He's had a crazy car problem, he has, and over the past few months he thought he had found a solution - in fact, he thought he had found the solution of his dreams - but in the end, he's discovered that the things you dream about often don't go according to plan.

The way it's worked out for him so far, it's been a lot of anticipation followed by a sudden wave of frustration, but I feel like he's a lot better off having his particular problem with his car...because if he'd had cancer instead, he'd surely be dead by now.  

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 1040 words in story)

On The Emergence Of China, Or, Zhou Knew This Was Coming

by: fake consultant

Sat Dec 03, 2011 at 04:35:17 AM EST

After doing a bit of mountain hiking a few days back, I had a chance to get involved in a great afternoon conversation with the Alliance for American Manufacturing's Mike Wessel, who also serves as a Commissioner with the U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission; the conversation was about how we're doing when it comes to our relationship with China.

As it turns out, the two events went well together, because what I'm hearing from these guys is that we have a great big ol' mountain to climb if we hope to get back to a level playing field in our interactions with this most important country.

There's news to report across a variety of issues; that's why today we'll be talking about trade, human rights, cybersecurity, poverty and development, and the methods by which you can apply "soft power" to achieve hard results.

The entirely unanticipated result: all of this will reveal the naïveté of Ron Paul when it comes to foreign policy; we'll discuss that at the end.  

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 2104 words in story)

On Punishing The Job Creators, Or, "The Poor Have It So Good Today"

by: fake consultant

Thu Nov 10, 2011 at 10:11:05 AM EST

You know what the problem is with America?
The poor don't get just how great they have it.

I've been hearing this a lot lately; the basic thrust of the discussion is that all those cars, TVs, DVD players, refrigerators, and stoves that have found their way into the homes of the economic underclass are proof there's really no such thing as "poor" in America.

If they were truly poor, the argument goes, well...think recycled corn.

And if the poor want things to get better, let 'em pull themselves up by their own bootstraps - and if they can't, then let 'em rot, because that's the best thing for the economy.

But I don't buy all that, and by the time we're done today, I hope to have given you a whole new perspective on how jobs get created in this country.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 1402 words in story)

On Doing Better Than 50%, Part Two, Or, Is "Made in USA" A Jobs Program?

by: fake consultant

Mon Aug 22, 2011 at 07:51:47 AM EDT

When last we met, it was to discuss a Big Idea that the Obama Administration might apply to get some job creation going, despite a difficult Congress; the Big Idea was to look at the "Buy American" provisions that exist in our laws, regulations, and Executive Orders and see if we could practice a bit of "jobs arbitrage" by not just meeting the "Made in USA" requirements when governments across this country make purchases, but exceeding them.

(As it stands today, pretty much any "good or service" with more than 50% Made in USA content qualifies as a Made in USA purchase, even if 49% of the "good or service" comes from somewhere else).

At the time, I told you that if all went well we could look forward to comments from both Labor and the Administration as to the practicality of the Big Idea, and as it turns out I have comments for you that hit close to that mark - and a bit more besides:

On Saturday I just happened to bump into Congressman Adam Smith (WA-09); in the course of that conversation I told him what we're doing here, and he wanted to offer a few thoughts of his own...and when you put all that together, I think we're going to have a lot to talk about.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 1146 words in story)

On Doing Better Than 50%, Or, Could More "Made In USA" Mean More Jobs?

by: fake consultant

Mon Aug 15, 2011 at 11:52:40 AM EDT

We gotta grow some jobs, and that's a fact, and we probably aren't going to be able to do it with big ol' jobs programs funded by the Federal Government, what with today's politics and all, and that means if this Administration wants to stay in the jobs game they're going to have to find some smaller and more creative ways to do it.

They are also going to have to come up with ideas that are pretty much "bulletproof", meaning that they are so hard to object to that even Allen West and Louie Gohmert will not want to be on record saying "no no no!"; alternatively, solutions that work around the legislative process entirely could represent the other form of "bulletproof-ery".

Well, I have one of those "maybe bulletproof" ideas for you today, and it has to do with how "Made in USA" the things are that our Government buys.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 694 words in story)

On Organizing Anger, Or, Could Olbermann Primary Obama?

by: fake consultant

Sat Aug 06, 2011 at 01:05:49 AM EDT

It was just a couple of nights ago that Keith Olbermann was challenging us, in one of his "Special Comments", to rise up in the streets and take back this country.

He pointed out that the only way those on the left were going to be able to fight against those who are looking to get all "Tea Party" is to be as angry and as organized and as aggressive as the Tea Party community, and if we're smart, we'll take him up on that challenge.

But if you really want to push "professional" Democrats to the left, most especially this President, and you want to do it in time to impact the '12 cycle, the only way to do it is to run a candidate in primary contests that either moves the conversation your way...or leaves you with a surprising new Candidate.

And right here, right now, we actually have a chance to do exactly that - and that's why, in today's discussion, I'm going to challenge Olbermann right back.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 1180 words in story)

On Reopening For Business, Or, What? No Flying Cars?

by: fake consultant

Sun Jun 26, 2011 at 07:27:22 AM EDT

So I took a bit of a break this past month, and I figured by the time I came back y'all would have things sorted out: people would be surely by flying around with jet packs by now, God would have sent fires and floods to smite the unrighteous, and, if I really got lucky, Barack Obama would have "grown a pair".

And now that I'm back, debt negotiations are about to commence between that same Barack Obama and the Republican Congressional Leadership, things like Social Security and Medicare cuts are apparently on the table in order to protect tax cuts for the rich, and certain quarters of the Republican Party aren't even trying anymore to hide their racism.

All of which suggests that I shouldn't be looking for a jet pack anytime soon.

But there is some good news: God is apparently working hard, and states like Oklahoma and Arizona and Florida and Georgia and Texas have been alternately aflame or aflood, apparently as a result of their unrepentant behavior...and on the economic front, New York City's Stonewall Inn is going to make a ton of money this summer hosting weddings.

That gives us a lot to talk about...so let's get right to it.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 1224 words in story)

On Hole Cards, Or, "Drill, Baby, Drill"? Why? Is Canada Out Of Sand?

by: fake consultant

Wed May 25, 2011 at 06:47:28 AM EDT

In America, today, there are three kinds of drivers: those who look at the other gas pumps down at the ol' gas station and think: "Oh my God, I can't believe how much that guy's spending on gas", those who look at their own pump down at the ol' gas station and think: "Oh my God, I can't believe how much I'm spending on gas" - and those who are doing both at the same time.

Naturally, this has brought the Sarah Palins of the world back out in public, and once again the mantra of "Drill, Baby, Drill" can be heard all the way from the Florida coast to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

But what if those folks have it exactly backwards?

What if, in a world of depleting oil resources, the last thing you want to do is use yours up?

To put it another way: why isn't all our oil part of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve?

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 1014 words in story)

On Sunday Drinking, Or, Has Satan Been Rendered Irrelevant?

by: fake consultant

Tue May 17, 2011 at 08:16:28 AM EDT

I know better than to go drinking on Sundays, but it's just been one of those weeks, and I figured I'd grab a few beers, no big deal, and then head hone and get some real work done.

Of course, the reason I don't drink on Sundays is because that's when Satan likes to go hang out at my favorite bar - and to be real honest with you, lately Satan's getting to be a real drag to hang out with once he gets drinking.

I mean, it's depressing: he's always talking about how he gets blamed for the economy, even though he claims he has no control over Wall Street, and atheism is a bit of a sore subject - and he's forever complaining about how all his best customers have been outsourcing more and more work to Varsavarti.

But if you think all that's a drag to have to deal with...you should hear him complain about Republican Presidential Politics.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 868 words in story)

On Redistribution, Or, "Afghanistan Peace Dividend Stimulus Lotto? OK!"

by: fake consultant

Thu May 12, 2011 at 07:23:02 AM EDT

They tell us we're dropping about $10 billion a month in Afghanistan so we can catch that Bin Laden guy...but eventually, we're gonna catch him, and as soon as we do you can imagine that folks will be wondering why we're still over there - and I gotta tell ya, I'm one of those people.

I mean, we're over here talking about how we're so broke that we have no choice but to cut a couple of billion from heat assistance for the poor, and a billion-and-a-half from the Social Security operations budget, and money from food stamps and childcare assistance and tornado forecasting in Alabama...but every single month, just as regular as clockwork, we seem to be able to find another $10 billion to spend in Afghanistan, even as we have an economy that could badly use another round of truly productive stimulus.

And I don't think y'all even realize just how much money $10 billion really is - but today we're gonna see if we can't fix that with a bit of a thought exercise.

Imagine if we set up a program that took that Afghanistan money and spent it right here at home for a year or two - and it was spent in the form of a lottery, where we stimulate the larger economy, help fix the mortgage crisis, and create a more energy-independent nation, all at the same time.

I got all we need except a catchy name; with that in mind let's move on to the description of how the Happy Super Fun Day Peace Lotto Stimulus Thingy works.  

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 638 words in story)

On Universities And Such, Or, If Obama's A Kettle, Is Donald Trump Black?

by: fake consultant

Sun May 01, 2011 at 05:57:35 AM EDT

Just about 40 seconds after (Yes, He's Actually The) President Barack Obama brought forth his Certificate of Live Birth unto the world Donald Trump was accusing Obama of somehow sneaking his way into some University or another.

If Trump's to be believed, Obama was a terrible student at a College, and then he somehow snuck his way into a University; after that he basically grifted his way into becoming the President of the Harvard Law Review.

Trump would tell you that he's a hustler, that Obama is, and we've got to do whatever it takes to figure out what kind of semi-illegal shenanigans Obama's University experience was all about.

But here's the thing: Donald Trump has his own history of semi-illegal University shenanigans-and it appears that some of his semi-illegal shenanigans continue to this very day.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 1440 words in story)

On Happy-ing Their Gilmores, Or, Will Body Bags Be The New Gold Watch?

by: fake consultant

Mon Apr 25, 2011 at 18:52:17 PM EDT

We are continuing a recent theme here today in which two of my favorite topics are going to converge: Social Security and in-your-face political activism.

I have been encouraging folks to take advantage of the recent Congressional recess to have a few words with your CongressCritter about the proposed Death Of Medicare and all the proposed cuts to Social Security...and you have, as we'll discuss...and now we have an opportunity to do something on a national scale, just as we did a few weeks ago in support of Social Security.

This time, we're going to concentrate on fighting the idea that retirement ages should go up before we become eligible for Social Security and Medicare (and elements of Medicaid, as well), and that Americans should just keep right on working until the age of 67 or so-which isn't going to be any big problem...really...trust us.

Now that just makes no sense, and to help make the point we have a really cool video that you can pass around to all your friends-and your enemies, for that matter, since they'll also have to worry about what happens to them if they should ever make it to old age.  

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 855 words in story)

On Taking It Back, Or, Wisconsin Recalls, Explained

by: fake consultant

Mon Mar 14, 2011 at 03:22:19 AM EDT

News is suddenly moving so fast that it's becoming hard for me to keep up; that's why we're not finishing the story today that we just began Tuesday. You know, the one about Titan Cement suing two North Carolina residents who appear to be doing nothing more than speaking the truth.

Unfortunately, other important news has forced itself to the front of the line, and it's going to demand that we break schedule, whether we like it or not.

That's why today we're going to be talking about Wisconsin, and how workers there are fighting back against the State's Republican legislators and Governor, who seem to have gone out of their way this past three weeks to govern without the consent of the governed.

It's kind of chilly today in Wisconsin...but I can assure you, things are heating up fast-and it ain't because of spring.

There's More... :: (3 Comments, 1622 words in story)

Campaign Manifesto #3: On The Road, Defending Social Security

by: fake consultant

Mon Feb 28, 2011 at 03:26:22 AM EST

So it's Day 3 of my fake campaign for Congress, and we've run into our first obstacle

The Fake Campaign, as you may recall, is fake headed for Wisconsin, to show solidarity, and we've fake hitched a ride on a delivery truck headed for Rush Limbaugh's Florida broadcasting studios-but we fake found ourselves caught up in the all-too-real Giant Grip Of Winter that has seized the Midwest over the past week.

We're back on the road now, but we were stuck for darn near a half-day there at Wall...and if you know anything about South Dakota, you know there are really only two things to do in the City of Wall: you can shuffle back and forth between Gold Diggers and the Badlands Bar, partaking of numerous intoxicating liquors along the way...or you can head on into Wall Drug (the same one that's on all those bumper stickers and signs) and partake of the finest display of Giant Jackalopia on the planet.

The Campaign, naturally, chose Jackalopia-and that's why today's Manifesto is all about the fake impromptu 5-cent-coffee-fueled Social Security Town Hall that we held in the Wall Drug Mall for several hours while we waited for I-90 to reopen.

There's More... :: (2 Comments, 1541 words in story)

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