|
|
satire 
Tue Jan 26, 2010 at 15:15:47 PM EST
|
|
It seems nearly everyone in the Great Lakes states is concerned about what will happen should the Asian Carp make it into the Great Lakes water system. Michigan’s own Attorney General Mike Cox even sued the state of Illinois to get them to close the river locks. This would prevent the carp from entering Lake Michigan. But Chicago was not keen to have a major artery for commerce shut down, costing them millions of dollars in revenue through shipping fees. And lucky for Chicago that the U.S. Supreme Court wouldn’t issue an injunction to close the locks. This is unlucky for the rest of us, who are worried about the potential for Dire Consequences. People don’t seem to think there’s anything more to be done now except wait around until a summit next month at the White House. But there is one thing we can do: the state of Michigan can buy the rivers where the locks are located. Then we would be free to close and open the locks as necessary, and charge access through the rivers just as the city of Chicago currently does. "Crazy!" you say? Not in the least. You see, the Chicago Way isn’t just about putting guys in the morgue. It’s also about getting paid, handsomely.
|
|
There's More...
:: (2
Comments, 357 words in story)
|
|
Tue Nov 10, 2009 at 07:01:38 AM EST
|
There has been a great wailing and gnashing of teeth over the past day or so as those who follow the healthcare debate react to the Stupak/Some Creepy Republican Guy Amendment.
The Amendment, which is apparently intended to respond to conservative Democrats’ concerns that too many women were voting for the Party in recent elections, was attached to the House’s version of healthcare reform legislation that was voted out of the House this weekend.
The goal is to limit women’s access to reproductive medicine services, particularly abortions; this based on the concept that citizens of good conscience shouldn’t have their tax dollars used to fund activities they find morally repugnant.
At first blush, I was on the mild end of the wailing and gnashing spectrum myself…but having taken a day to mull the thing over, I’m starting to think that maybe we should take a look at the thinking behind this…and I’m also starting to think that, properly applied, Stupak’s logic deserves a more important place in our own vision of how a progressive government might work.
It’s Political Judo Day today, Gentle Reader, and by the time we’re done here it’s entirely possible that you’ll see Stupak’s logic in a whole new light.
|
|
There's More...
:: (2
Comments, 629 words in story)
|
|
Sat Oct 24, 2009 at 20:57:18 PM EDT
|
It's become more or less common knowledge that US forces have been using music as an operational tool for some time now, and I've begun seeing lists of the songs that are being used either to inflict pain, to demoralize, or to just generally disorient various people in various sorts of situations.
There are others, wiser than I, who will opine as to the questions of efficacy and the moral issues surrounding these kinds of operations; I will opine, instead, as to the quality of the songs used.
Frankly, had anyone asked, I could have put the torturers onto much better musical choices, just by selecting from my own "My Music" folder--which left me thinking: "hey, it's the weekend...why not do exactly that?"
Got any psychological warfare mission planned for the weekend? Expecting to have to direct amplified sound at an angry mob in a defensive maneuver Saturday night? Planning a Halloween haunted house that goes a bit...fuurther?
Come along with me then, soldier, and I'll provide you a playlist that should do the trick in almost any foreseeable emergency.
|
|
There's More...
:: (5
Comments, 1025 words in story)
|
|
Thu Oct 15, 2009 at 16:38:38 PM EDT
|
|
(wink-wink) Senate Republicans Wednesday passed two pieces of landmark legislation that will provide savings to Michigan taxpayers and tax relief to job-providers by fundamentally transforming Michigan’s education system. Senate Republicans continue our fight to eliminate bureaucracy and make Michigan an inviting place to do business. The Flexible Choice bill will virtually eliminate the state’s education bureaucracy, a bureaucracy that wastes taxpayer money and hampers our children’s learning environment. The passage of the Flexible Choice bill enabled the repeal of the Michigan Business Tax (MBT), which will free Michigan businesses to provide more jobs to Michigan taxpayers.
|
|
There's More...
:: (2
Comments, 350 words in story)
|
|
Fri Sep 25, 2009 at 18:03:18 PM EDT
|
Those among us who are familiar with the Bible will recall that Jesus Christ himself was an active member of the health care community as he travelled about the Holy Land.
It is reported that he practiced within multiple medical specialties, and his works as both an ophthalmologist and a neurologist are recounted within the verses of the Gospels.
But what if Jesus had been practicing medicine in the therapeutic environment we’re familiar with today?
In today’s conversation we’ll be tagging along with Jesus as he takes a few calls at his HMO’s Customer Care Center—and by the time we get done you should be able to bring a whole new take to those discussions you‘ve been having about why reform matters.
|
|
There's More...
:: (1
Comments, 1029 words in story)
|
|
Fri Aug 14, 2009 at 11:43:35 AM EDT
|
|
With very little work having been done to resolve the hole in our state’s budget this year, I think it’s time we consider a different way to encourage our politicians to do their jobs. The Senate Fiscal Agency’s latest numbers indicate that we are facing a shortfall of roughly $2.7 billion for fiscal year 2009-2010. Right now, Gov. Granholm (D-Delegating to Cherry), Speaker Dillon (D-Very Serious Plan), and Senate Majority Leader Bishop (R-Coy Aquamarine Eyes) are apparently having budget negotiations that are subject to a media blackout. No hurry. The deadline for our state’s budget is October 1. It’s important to remember that last year, there was also a very large hole in the budget, but that was resolved much more quickly. The year before that, 2007, the budget talks and grandstanding lasted until just after the midnight deadline before a budget was passed. The year before that, 2006, was an election year and the budget was settled in the spring. What should we take from this?
|
|
There's More...
:: (12
Comments, 547 words in story)
|
|
Tue Aug 11, 2009 at 03:51:44 AM EDT
|
WASHINGTON (FNS) – In a startling development related to the recent disruptions of town hall meetings, FNS is now able to confirm that the Obama Administration, with the assistance of Unilever Group and Queen Beatrix, both of the Netherlands, PepsiCo, Skull And Bones, and the Bilderberg Group, is unleashing a secret plot to dispatch fleets of unmarked aircraft and helicopters to prevent teabag protesters from having access to teabags.
The goal of the plot: to disrupt protesters’ plans to save America from the destruction of our health care system.
FNS reporters have been following a trail of information that includes airport noise abatement records, classified documents, and the testimony of insiders, some of whom are now willing to be publicly identified.
We’ll begin our story by reporting on three events that occurred the evening of Friday, August 8th.
|
|
There's More...
:: (1
Comments, 880 words in story)
|
|
Wed Jul 29, 2009 at 12:24:50 PM EDT
|
|
Things aren’t going very well for a lot of people in Michigan these days. With 15% unemployment, non-existent state budget talks despite a large looming deficit, struggling families, and people losing their homes due to foreclosure, it’s easy to let all this terrible news get us down. But all is not lost. We are, as far as I know, the only state in the union that has bottled sex and put it on sale. I kid you not, people. Get a load of this. 
|
|
There's More...
:: (9
Comments, 97 words in story)
|
|
Wed Jul 15, 2009 at 18:38:49 PM EDT
|
It has been quite some time, Gentle Reader, since we addressed the issue of political robot design, but recent events have forced us to return to the subject once again.
As you undoubtedly are aware, three high profile ‘bots from Robotican™ Labs have recently experienced major failures.
It was originally thought that the problems were isolated to the Robotican™.1 Congressional Series of Devices...but it is now known that the failures also extend to the.2 Gubernatorial Series as well.
In today’s story we will examine what is known about these failures, how they may impact other devices in Political Service, and what solutions might be available to address these issues.
|
|
There's More...
:: (1
Comments, 1865 words in story)
|
|
Tue Apr 07, 2009 at 16:42:47 PM EDT
|
|
There are a lot of people in Michigan angry with how GM and Chrysler have been treated compared to financial institutions like AIG, and fed up with trade policies like NAFTA, and tired of being a donor state to the Federal Government. The fact is that we’re not being treated fairly by the rest of the country. From Wall Street to Dixie to the Left Coast we’re getting a raw deal. It’s time we stopped taking it. It’s time we did something that will put the people of Michigan in the driver’s seat (pun intended). The solution is an obvious one: Michigan Independence. We should secede from the U.S.A. and become the Democratic Republic of Michigan (DRM).
|
|
There's More...
:: (8
Comments, 523 words in story)
|
|
Wed Apr 01, 2009 at 11:32:08 AM EDT
|
Washington, D.C. (FNN)—In a move some are describing as a “news dump” timed to coincide with the attention being paid to President Obama’s foreign trip, the Justice Department announced the Administration’s plans to introduce legislation to legalize and regulate the manufacture, sales, possession, and use of what are today legally known as Schedule I drugs.
Additionally, Schedule II through Schedule V drugs will be made available to adult members of the public at their request, with a doctor’s prescription no longer being required before such drugs can be dispensed.
The drugs being “legalized” through this legislation would include marijuana, LSD, heroin, cocaine, and ecstasy; also included will be all pharmaceutical drugs currently under restricted distribution: among those are Xanax, OxyContin, and Viagra.
|
|
There's More...
:: (3
Comments, 749 words in story)
|
|
Wed Mar 25, 2009 at 12:04:55 PM EDT
|
So many times when we get together you have to put up with me complaining about something...and there are lots of other times when it’s me warning about events that are looming in our future.
Even though they’re conversations we need to have, they’re often not very emotionally satisfying.
Today we depart from that pattern, in a very good way.
It’s “follow-up day”; and the conversation takes us to three “happy places”: two “problem” stories that have recent positive progress to report—and, just because I care about you, Gentle Reader, an exclusive preview of the George W. Bush autobiography, obtained with considerable effort from an unnamed and particularly well-placed source.
There’s a lot to cover, so let’s jump right in and tell you what you need to know.
|
|
There's More...
:: (1
Comments, 1863 words in story)
|
|
Sun Nov 02, 2008 at 16:08:09 PM EST
|
There are but three days to go, Gentle Reader, and the McCain campaign is now down to fear and Joe The Plumber.
Those who seek to spread The Fear are resorting to fantastic schemes and amazing leaps of logic in an effort to find something to make The Fear rise in voters.
But to be honest, the crazy speculation lacks...imagination.
I believe I can present crazy speculation that is at least as interesting as what they’ve put out—and funnier to boot—and with that and the Halloween just past in mind we present the final weekend edition of the 2008 campaign cycle's blogging.
So, ya wanna hear a few debunked made up rumors that, frankly, have a lot more creative style?
|
|
There's More...
:: (3
Comments, 732 words in story)
|
|
Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 10:47:53 AM EDT
|
|
(wink-wink) In an unprecedented move, Republican Party presidential nominee Sen. John McCain and his vice-presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin have switched places on their party’s ticket. Gov. Palin is now the presidential nominee and Sen. McCain is now in the VP slot, announced Rick Davis the campaign’s manager. “Since her stunning speech at the Republican National Convention, Gov. Palin has proven that she has the excitement and intensity needed to win the White House, and the skills and experience to reform Washington on behalf of the American people. Her candidacy has electrified people across America. “This overwhelming, rapturous, response requires the Republican party to put her at the top of the ticket. By doing so, the Republican party is ready to make history by electing the first woman as President of the United States."
|
|
There's More...
:: (3
Comments, 211 words in story)
|
|
Thu Sep 04, 2008 at 11:21:55 AM EDT
|
Well, it is easy to tell it’s September.
BBQ smoke hangs thickly in the air, the rain is getting cooler than it usually is in the summertime, and the Mariners are securely in last place.
And it is also time to return to school. For the new voter about to enter (or return to) College, all the crazy living can make you forget about important things, like...oh, I don’t know...maybe an election or two.
To make sure this does not happen I’m going to put College and Politics together to create this year’s first...wait for it...synchronized Sarah Palin drinking game.
So start pairing up your shotglasses, find the Scotch tape, and when you get back I’ll tell you how it works.
|
|
There's More...
:: (3
Comments, 734 words in story)
|
|
Wed Aug 13, 2008 at 17:44:38 PM EDT
|
For those who did not know, I’m a contract worker; and as a result I’m a direct beneficiary of the trend toward outsourcing.
And let me tell you, everyone’s doing it. At different times I’ve worked for school districts, a company that makes tax preparation software, agencies of State Government...even the Navy.
So it was no surprise when I found out from the agency that I was to be assigned to a Human Resources Department to help with the overflow of employee evaluations that needed to be completed—and it was no surprise when they told me the job was like working in Hell.
I was a bit surprised, however, when it turned out they were telling the literal truth...and that’s how I came to spend last week as a temp in Satan’s HR Department—vetting John McCain for his annual evaluation.
|
|
There's More...
:: (1
Comments, 981 words in story)
|
|
Mon Aug 11, 2008 at 17:24:47 PM EDT
|
|
Breaking 1778: French troops have landed in England in an unprovoked invasion of its internationally-recognized territory and in an obvious violation of international law.
Over 6,000 French troops have fought the brave British defenders in Savannah, Georgia. More have landed in Newport, Rhode Island. Meanwhile, the French fleet under the command of Admiral François Joseph Paul de Grasse is threatening the peaceful British ships in the Chesapeake in a clear violation of English sovereignty. Clearly, since they're using too many troops and even ships (yikes!), the French are out to do more than just reoccupy Quebec.
War is bad news for Democrats and liberals. It hurts us politically. So we should all come out with the most hawkish statements possible in our opposition to the French and their rebel Colonial puppets.
French troops, led by the infamous Rochambeau, continue marching north and may soon overthrow the legitimate government in New York. If I were running Obama's campaign, I'd be spending a lot of attention right now on how to establish a position that will strike the public as "strong" and "firm", and worrying like hell about saying anything that the Cheneys and Limbaughs of the world could seize on. In short, we'll have to begin a hot or cold war against the invaders (if for no other reason, than to help Citizen Obama).
|
|
There's More...
:: (3
Comments, 79 words in story)
|
|
Fri Jul 11, 2008 at 07:16:17 AM EDT
|
Many words have been proffered regarding the FISA bill this week, and I was actually preparing an analysis of the events when, to my surprise, I received an email that made me alter my schedule completely.
I want to apologize in advance to Danny Medress, over at Democracy for America, for whom I was preparing the analysis; and all I can tell you, Danny, is that this was of such import that the schedule had to be slipped.
That said, presented here in its entirety is the memo I received …and having read it through, I have to say I feel much safer.
|
|
There's More...
:: (1
Comments, 485 words in story)
|
|
Fri Jul 04, 2008 at 09:26:56 AM EDT
|
I bring to you today a story that is eight years old and as recent as today’s headlines.
A foolish tale of mirth and merriment it is indeed--and for those who want a real all-American Fourth of July story, well...this one fits better than a glass slipper on Cinderella’s foot.
The story, as you might have guessed from the headline, starts with a simple premise and ends by paraphrasing Ronald Reagan’s famous question:
Had we elected Jerry Springer in 2000 instead of George Bush the Younger, would we be better off today than we were eight years ago?
Come along for the ride, Esteemed Reader, and we shall see...
|
|
There's More...
:: (3
Comments, 644 words in story)
|
|
Tue Jun 24, 2008 at 15:48:19 PM EDT
|
 JackEbling.com Exclusive: Unnamed and unconfirmed sources, speaking to JackEbling.com chief investigative reporter, Doug Warren, on the condition of anonymous animosity, have given JackEbling.com a photograph of what appears to be a young Barack Obama, posing with the notorious gangsta rap group N.W.A. The aforementioned unnamed and completely fabricated sources indicate that Obama may, or may not have, briefly replaced original N.W.A. member, Ice Cube, when Cube left the group to open a neighborhood barbershop. How long Obama may, or may not have, remained a member of the N.W.A. (Niggaz With Attitude), who's hits included "**** tha Police," "A Bitch Iz a Bitch" and "Parental Discretion Iz Advised," is currently unclear. It is also unclear how this non-issue will be exploited for fearmongering political gain by right-wing radio hosts and cable T.V. carnival barkers. Stay with JackEbling.com for updates on this breaking non-story. . . . Developing
|
|
Discuss
:: (0
Comments)
|
|
|
|
|
|
